Essays and Revisions
Revision Example from Arguementative:
Old Draft:
I'm A Barbie Girl
In a society where so much is based upon aesthetics and people are judged upon their appearance, cosmetic surgery has become a quenching fix for this thirst of beauty. Although this provides such a quick fix, the effects can be detrimental.
Women all over the world run to cosmetic surgery for the answer though it may
not last past eight years, it could possibly cause harm to the body and can also be very costly., Ppeople will follow through anyway.
However, models in America are a great highlight to what women want -- perfection. Women see these models in magazines and envy their flawlessness. They want to have the“perfect” body and the “perfect” face, and to them cosmetic surgery is the answer. Although, there are valuable reasons to why people get plastic surgery, this operation is often abused. Plastic surgery is used for reasons such as to help people with cancer.”Your plastic surgeon can surgically remove cancerous and other skin lesions using specialized techniques to preserve your health and your appearance”( “Skin Cancer and Your Plastic Surgeon”).
However, when but when reality is faced Cosmetic surgery isn’t the answer and should be solved another way.
Can cosmetic surgery last a lifetime? Sure, cosmetic surgery will last a lifetime
under one, or two or three or maybe even six conditions. One of the most popular cosmetic procedures is a facelift, because of course, who would want a few wrinkles on their face? After three weeks of healing from a facelift there are a few
precautions that need to be taken note of to keep all the pulled skin looking
young. To keep a facelift looking good, you need to make sure you’re eating
healthy, watching your weight, moisturising your skin; keeping it hydrated,
making sure your face doesn’t catch a lot of sun, and also absolutely no
smoking. For most women who don’t do this, they end up getting a second, $8,000 surgery, in about three to five years. Today women see this as no problem,
but in fact this is an issue. Spending this amount of money on a few surgeries can result in debt.
It is no secret that cosmetic surgery is not cheap. Cosmetic surgery is very expensive, from botox to breast implants the cost varies may vary from $6000
to $10,000 dollars (www.Infoplasticsurgery). Now is all that money for a plump face really worth it? Women may argue and say “yes, it is.” Women would rather want to be under thousands of dollars of debt and be “happy” with something that will possibly sag in a few years, than spend their money on something a little more valuable. Celebrities spend this type of money almost everyday, but for an average Joe spending money like that, could result in send in serious debt. A man by the name of Stephen Fode, confessed about his obsession with cosmetic surgery. He is now under $125,000 of debt in 12 years of procedures (Adato). Fode is only one of many who go under the knife and get multiple procedures done because one wasn’t enough to look “perfect”. Many should understand that surgery isn’t the answer to an insecurity issue or any other type of whatever issue
that may lead one has to want cosmetic surgery, isn’t the answer in the first place.
Many will also agree to a surgeryy, that could make them look young again, not knowing what possible harm it can cause the body. Although, there are valuable reasons to why people get plastic surgery, this operation is often abused. Plastic surgery is used for reasons as such to help people with cancer.”Your plastic surgeon can surgically remove cancerous and other skin lesions using specialized techniques to preserve your health and your appearance”( “Skin Cancer and Your Plastic Surgeon”). Though, plastic surgery can help those who need it, it can also cause severe damage to the nerves in the area of where the procedure was done. For example, when getting an eyelid lift, if gone wrong it can damage the optic nerve which can result in blindness (Odunze). Most people don’t realize what they put on the line when undergoing cosmetic surgery, in this type of situation ones vision could be lost.
Plastic surgeries may help those who actually need it, and also leave others with
“perfect” features along with debt over their head. Who would want to go under a procedure not knowing they could possibly lose all feeling in their face, or being
well-informed that not knowing they will be going to need to get another surgery in a few years? Unfortunately, many will, and many more will continue to get cosmetic surgery throughout the year. Cosmetic surgery may not last a lifetime, can put someone in serious debt and it could possibly harm one's body; permanently. Many don’t know what is on the line until after their surgery. Men and women should know everything that is at risk when thinking about getting some type of cosmetic procedure done, because in the future it may have great regret.
I'm A Barbie Girl
In a society where so much is based upon aesthetics and people are judged upon their appearance, cosmetic surgery has become a quenching fix for this thirst of beauty. Although this provides such a quick fix, the effects can be detrimental.
Women all over the world run to cosmetic surgery for the answer though it may
not last past eight years, it could possibly cause harm to the body and can also be very costly., Ppeople will follow through anyway.
However, models in America are a great highlight to what women want -- perfection. Women see these models in magazines and envy their flawlessness. They want to have the“perfect” body and the “perfect” face, and to them cosmetic surgery is the answer. Although, there are valuable reasons to why people get plastic surgery, this operation is often abused. Plastic surgery is used for reasons such as to help people with cancer.”Your plastic surgeon can surgically remove cancerous and other skin lesions using specialized techniques to preserve your health and your appearance”( “Skin Cancer and Your Plastic Surgeon”).
However, when but when reality is faced Cosmetic surgery isn’t the answer and should be solved another way.
Can cosmetic surgery last a lifetime? Sure, cosmetic surgery will last a lifetime
under one, or two or three or maybe even six conditions. One of the most popular cosmetic procedures is a facelift, because of course, who would want a few wrinkles on their face? After three weeks of healing from a facelift there are a few
precautions that need to be taken note of to keep all the pulled skin looking
young. To keep a facelift looking good, you need to make sure you’re eating
healthy, watching your weight, moisturising your skin; keeping it hydrated,
making sure your face doesn’t catch a lot of sun, and also absolutely no
smoking. For most women who don’t do this, they end up getting a second, $8,000 surgery, in about three to five years. Today women see this as no problem,
but in fact this is an issue. Spending this amount of money on a few surgeries can result in debt.
It is no secret that cosmetic surgery is not cheap. Cosmetic surgery is very expensive, from botox to breast implants the cost varies may vary from $6000
to $10,000 dollars (www.Infoplasticsurgery). Now is all that money for a plump face really worth it? Women may argue and say “yes, it is.” Women would rather want to be under thousands of dollars of debt and be “happy” with something that will possibly sag in a few years, than spend their money on something a little more valuable. Celebrities spend this type of money almost everyday, but for an average Joe spending money like that, could result in send in serious debt. A man by the name of Stephen Fode, confessed about his obsession with cosmetic surgery. He is now under $125,000 of debt in 12 years of procedures (Adato). Fode is only one of many who go under the knife and get multiple procedures done because one wasn’t enough to look “perfect”. Many should understand that surgery isn’t the answer to an insecurity issue or any other type of whatever issue
that may lead one has to want cosmetic surgery, isn’t the answer in the first place.
Many will also agree to a surgeryy, that could make them look young again, not knowing what possible harm it can cause the body. Although, there are valuable reasons to why people get plastic surgery, this operation is often abused. Plastic surgery is used for reasons as such to help people with cancer.”Your plastic surgeon can surgically remove cancerous and other skin lesions using specialized techniques to preserve your health and your appearance”( “Skin Cancer and Your Plastic Surgeon”). Though, plastic surgery can help those who need it, it can also cause severe damage to the nerves in the area of where the procedure was done. For example, when getting an eyelid lift, if gone wrong it can damage the optic nerve which can result in blindness (Odunze). Most people don’t realize what they put on the line when undergoing cosmetic surgery, in this type of situation ones vision could be lost.
Plastic surgeries may help those who actually need it, and also leave others with
“perfect” features along with debt over their head. Who would want to go under a procedure not knowing they could possibly lose all feeling in their face, or being
well-informed that not knowing they will be going to need to get another surgery in a few years? Unfortunately, many will, and many more will continue to get cosmetic surgery throughout the year. Cosmetic surgery may not last a lifetime, can put someone in serious debt and it could possibly harm one's body; permanently. Many don’t know what is on the line until after their surgery. Men and women should know everything that is at risk when thinking about getting some type of cosmetic procedure done, because in the future it may have great regret.
When I edit my papers I usually just put my thoughts on the paper, knowing that it doesn't make sense. I then go back to reword my ideas and cut out all of the unnecessary thoughts. I have a tendancy to go off topic and miss all of my run on sentences, but my peer Eric, does a great deal of helping me with my errors. This might have been one of my best papers. I put many ideas on the rough draft but when my final draft came close, I nearly rearranged my whole essay. Although, I have learned that I am a very messy writer, I am improving.
Revised Version:
I’m A Barbie Girl
In a society where so much is based upon aesthetics and people are being judged upon their appearance, cosmetic surgery has become a quenching fix for this thirst of beauty. Although this provides such a quick fix, the effects can be detrimental. Women all over the world run to cosmetic surgery for the answer though it may not last past eight years, cosmetic Surgery could possibly cause harm to the body and can also be very costly. People will follow through anyway.
Models in America are a great highlight to what women want -- perfection. Women see these models in magazines and envy their flawlessness. They want to have the “perfect” body and the “perfect” face, and to them cosmetic surgery is the answer. Although, there are valuable reasons to why people get plastic surgery, this operation is often abused. Plastic surgery is used for reasons such as to help people with cancer.”Your plastic surgeon can surgically remove cancerous and other skin lesions using specialized techniques to preserve your health and your appearance”( “Skin Cancer and Your Plastic Surgeon”). However, when reality is faced cosmetic surgery isn’t the answer and these issues should be addressed in another way.
Can cosmetic surgery last a lifetime? Sure, cosmetic surgery will last a lifetime under one, two or three or maybe even six conditions. One of the most popular cosmetic procedures is a facelift, because of course, who would want a few wrinkles on their face? After three weeks of healing from a facelift there are a few precautions that need to be taken note of to keep all the pulled skin looking young. To keep a facelift looking good, you need to make sure you’re eating healthy, watching your weight, moisturising your skin, keeping it hydrated, making sure your face doesn’t catch a lot of sun, and also absolutely no smoking. For the women who don’t do this, they end up getting a second $8,000 surgery, in about three to five years. Today women see this as no big deal, but in fact this is an issue. Spending this amount of money on a few surgeries can result in debt.
It is no secret that cosmetic surgery is not cheap. Cosmetic surgery is very expensive, from botox to breast implants the cost varies from 6,000 to 10,000 dollars (www.Infoplasticsurgery). Now is all that money for a plump face really worth it? Women may argue and say “yes, it is.” Women would rather want to be under thousands of dollars of debt and be “happy” with something that will possibly sag in a few years, than spend their money on something a little more valuable. Celebrities spend this type of money almost everyday, but for an average joe, spending money like that could result in serious debt. A man by the name of Stephen Fode, confessed about his obsession with cosmetic surgery. He is now under $125,000 of debt in 12 years of procedures (Adato). Fode is only one of many who go under the knife and get multiple procedures done because one wasn’t enough to look “perfect”. Many should understand that when dealing with an insecurity issue or beauty issue, cosmetic surgery isn’t the answer.
Many will also agree to a surgery that could make them look young again, not knowing what possible harm it can cause the body. Though, plastic surgery can help those who need it, it can also cause severe damage to the nerves in the area of where the procedure was done. In most cases nerve damage is most likely to occur when a nerve is cut, stretched, or cauterized. For example, when getting an eyelid lift, if gone wrong it can damage the optic nerve which can result in blindness (Odunze). Most people don’t realize what they put on the line when undergoing cosmetic surgery, in this particular situation ones vision could be lost.
Who would want to go under a procedure not knowing they could possibly lose all feeling in their face, or being well-informed that they will need to get another surgery in a few years? Unfortunately, many will, and many more will continue to get cosmetic surgery throughout the year. Cosmetic surgery may not last a lifetime, can put someone in serious debt and possibly harm one's body -- permanently. Many don’t know what is on the line until after their surgery. Men and women should know everything that is at risk when thinking about getting some type of cosmetic procedure done, because in the future it may cause great regret.
I’m A Barbie Girl
In a society where so much is based upon aesthetics and people are being judged upon their appearance, cosmetic surgery has become a quenching fix for this thirst of beauty. Although this provides such a quick fix, the effects can be detrimental. Women all over the world run to cosmetic surgery for the answer though it may not last past eight years, cosmetic Surgery could possibly cause harm to the body and can also be very costly. People will follow through anyway.
Models in America are a great highlight to what women want -- perfection. Women see these models in magazines and envy their flawlessness. They want to have the “perfect” body and the “perfect” face, and to them cosmetic surgery is the answer. Although, there are valuable reasons to why people get plastic surgery, this operation is often abused. Plastic surgery is used for reasons such as to help people with cancer.”Your plastic surgeon can surgically remove cancerous and other skin lesions using specialized techniques to preserve your health and your appearance”( “Skin Cancer and Your Plastic Surgeon”). However, when reality is faced cosmetic surgery isn’t the answer and these issues should be addressed in another way.
Can cosmetic surgery last a lifetime? Sure, cosmetic surgery will last a lifetime under one, two or three or maybe even six conditions. One of the most popular cosmetic procedures is a facelift, because of course, who would want a few wrinkles on their face? After three weeks of healing from a facelift there are a few precautions that need to be taken note of to keep all the pulled skin looking young. To keep a facelift looking good, you need to make sure you’re eating healthy, watching your weight, moisturising your skin, keeping it hydrated, making sure your face doesn’t catch a lot of sun, and also absolutely no smoking. For the women who don’t do this, they end up getting a second $8,000 surgery, in about three to five years. Today women see this as no big deal, but in fact this is an issue. Spending this amount of money on a few surgeries can result in debt.
It is no secret that cosmetic surgery is not cheap. Cosmetic surgery is very expensive, from botox to breast implants the cost varies from 6,000 to 10,000 dollars (www.Infoplasticsurgery). Now is all that money for a plump face really worth it? Women may argue and say “yes, it is.” Women would rather want to be under thousands of dollars of debt and be “happy” with something that will possibly sag in a few years, than spend their money on something a little more valuable. Celebrities spend this type of money almost everyday, but for an average joe, spending money like that could result in serious debt. A man by the name of Stephen Fode, confessed about his obsession with cosmetic surgery. He is now under $125,000 of debt in 12 years of procedures (Adato). Fode is only one of many who go under the knife and get multiple procedures done because one wasn’t enough to look “perfect”. Many should understand that when dealing with an insecurity issue or beauty issue, cosmetic surgery isn’t the answer.
Many will also agree to a surgery that could make them look young again, not knowing what possible harm it can cause the body. Though, plastic surgery can help those who need it, it can also cause severe damage to the nerves in the area of where the procedure was done. In most cases nerve damage is most likely to occur when a nerve is cut, stretched, or cauterized. For example, when getting an eyelid lift, if gone wrong it can damage the optic nerve which can result in blindness (Odunze). Most people don’t realize what they put on the line when undergoing cosmetic surgery, in this particular situation ones vision could be lost.
Who would want to go under a procedure not knowing they could possibly lose all feeling in their face, or being well-informed that they will need to get another surgery in a few years? Unfortunately, many will, and many more will continue to get cosmetic surgery throughout the year. Cosmetic surgery may not last a lifetime, can put someone in serious debt and possibly harm one's body -- permanently. Many don’t know what is on the line until after their surgery. Men and women should know everything that is at risk when thinking about getting some type of cosmetic procedure done, because in the future it may cause great regret.